May Allah bless you and forgive you all your sins.
The fact that you have asked about this is a good sign that you are moving towards good. You are moving towards mercy and change. You are moving towards a righteous path, and meanwhile, you are already moving away from the wrong.
The Mercy Of Allah Is Always Near
Allah Most High says, “Turn towards Allah, O believers, every one of you, so that you may be successful.” [Qur’an, 24:31]
And He says, “Ask your Lord for forgiveness and then turn in repentance to Him,” [Qur’an, 11:3] and He says, “O you who believe! Turn in sincere repentance to Allah.” [Qur’an, 66:8]
The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, “The one who repents from sin is like the one who never sinned.” [Ibn Maja (3240)] He also said, “Remorse is repentance.” [Ibn Maja (4242) and Ahmad (3387)]
You can see that it is never too late to change and repent. There is no doubt that our beautiful religion teaches that Allah forgives all sins. As long as any human being is still alive they always have an opportunity to be forgiven. This is the beauty of Islam.
Conditions Of Repentance
The conditions for repentance are well known:
1. Leaving the sin; 2. Remorse over having committed the sin; 3. Resolve never to return to the sin; 4. (If it relates to the rights of another person, then to) Return the rights or property one wrongly took. [al-Bariqa fi Sharh al-Tariqa; Riyad al-Salihin]
I encourage you to make a strong resolve and do not lose this great opportunity to make a change. If however God-forbid, it happens again, do not give up and quit. Keep trying and trying to repent and intend a righteous path. You must work hard to achieve this goal.
Strive to establish your daily prayers, and remember Allah as much as you can. Surround yourself with a good support team, perhaps good friends who will remind you of Allah. You will find in your striving to be a good person, you will find a better version of yourself and you may discover that true love and joy is in obedience and nearness to Allah Most High.
Love Allah and His Messenger
Focus on more love for Allah and His beautiful Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace)
We as human beings all make mistakes, but we can all repent and change and try again and again until we succeed. That is what is special about human beings. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best sinners are those who repent.” [Tirmidhi]
May Allah grant you success and true repentance. There are many people in Islamic history who were committing major sins but then ended up changing and becoming leaders in righteousness and spirituality.
[Imam] Yama Niazi
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
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